Panicking over your job choice?

So you’re sitting by the phone impatiently waiting to get a phone call where the person at the other end congratulates you on getting the job. This wait may take two days or two weeks, regardless, it usually feels like torture. Meanwhile, you obsess and pray that you’re the lucky applicant out of hundreds that gets chosen, but 5 minutes into that daydream you begin to obsess and panic that you’re  the unlucky bastard out of hundreds that gets chosen.

That’s right, you start worrying that maybe this job you painstakingly researched and prepared for is going to be fucking awful. But you’re running out of ramen and one more red bill in the mailbox means no more electricity OR internet.

ramen and dancing

I might survive several days without food,  but missing Dancing with the Stars makes me stabby.

This post is to reassure you that no matter what horrible scenarios you’ve been imagining for your new job, it probably won’t be as bad as some of these:

Turkey masturbator.

That’s right, reaching through feathers to manually stimulate a male turkey in order to obtain his semen by sucking it through a rubber tube and then blowing it into the female turkey. No joke. That cubicle position in the auditing department is sounding better and better right?!?

sexy turkey

Or how about, battery breaker.

You spend your day hauling 100+ lb batteries to your work area where you must then break them open to remove the valuable lead cores. First though you have to drain the acid out, and despite the rubber apron, goggles and boots some acid always finds its way to your skin. Did you think paper cuts and misogynistic coworkers were bad? How about third degree burns on your belly, legs, arms and that occasional splash of acid to your eyes?


Menial filing and data entry never looked so good.

So no matter whether your call back is coming from McDonald’s or the telemarketing firm downtown, even if it isn’t your dream job, it could always, always be worse.

McDonalds thumbs up